A Version for sodomites, no hellers, feminists and
ecstatic tongue babblers
First of all you take The King James Bible
 and remove the following …

Next, a Woke Version would stop the nasty name calling … do you know what I mean … something for the diverse crowd … all going to … well … if not heaven, certainly not hell … somewhere like Hades or Sheol or Gehenna or Tartarus (Deuteronomy 32:22; 2 Samuel 22:6; Matthew 18:9; 2 Peter 2:4; Acts 2:27 and so on), the place of departed spirits for example …. or a burning rubbish dump outside Jerusalem … that’s sort of thing.

This then takes the horror and fear out of an everlasting burning of real flames … it will help people relax and enjoy their Bible a little more.

After this, the Woke Version could take out the number of times the words “Lord” (about 60 times should do), “God” (about 50 times as well), “heaven” (about 50 times), “repent” (about 40 times), “hell” (about 20 times), “blood” (about 20 times) are used … and entirely eliminate the words of “devils”, “damnation”, “Jehovah”, “new testament”.

These words simply increase anxiety levels in people … they give Christianity a bad name.

Then Woke Version could erase the word “unknown” from unknown tongues (1 Corinthians 14:2) to allow freedom for today’s ‘tongue’ babblers.

Even pagan religions could then join in with their esoteric mind-numbing babbling as well?

The Woke Version could erase the word “sodomy” (Deuteronomy 23:17) … why not just say “perverted ones”?

I mean homosexuals need a Bible too … don’t they?

Surely the Woke Version could have God “providing for himself a lamb” instead of “providing himself as the lamb” (Genesis 22:8)?

I mean let’s not make the cross exclusively about Jesus … what about other religions that believe someone else … other than Jesus … died on the cross? (1 Timothy 3:16).

I mean the Woke Version should be for the feminists, who believe a wife should be a helper comparable to her husband rather than a mealy-mouthed nobody … that is being a help meet for her husband (Genesis 2:18).

The Woke Bible should stop oppressing wives … shouldn’t it?

If the world was perfect when made by Christ, how come it’s turned out evil? I know … we could blame the sinful created angels … although directed by Christ … were involved in the successive creation events, and as such, the world became increasingly more evil. So let’s change that all things were made through Christ … not by him (John 1:3)

Mmmmm! Now what could we call this Woke Version …?

Let me think … I know …

Let’s call it …. THE NEW KING JAMES VERSION! … Brilliant!

Harley Hitchcock
February 2024

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