“THE
NED FLANDERS VERSION – THE NFV”
“It’s
all a
matter of PREFERENCE!”
Now
Ned is very excited about his new version translation.
He’s called it “The Ned Flanders Version”. You see, Ned PREFERS
to get
along with people. His motto is “To get along you have to go along”.
Ned
doesn’t like to upset people and so he has re-written The King
James Bible.
Ned PREFERS to substitute in his own words, change
the
meanings, add and subtract words while eliminating
a lot
of others as the following shows.
Ned
PREFERS the word “hades” to “hell”
as this could upset, not only the unsaved people like Seventh Day
Adventists
and Mormons, but also those sensitive people who call themselves
‘christians’,
who have relatives that have died but don’t like to think they are
being
tormented in the literal flames of hell fire.
Ned
PREFERS “hades” which is a very
nice resting place under the earth for departed spirits.
Ned
PREFERS to eliminate the word ‘damnation’,
being too strong a word that is associated with “hell”.
Ned
prefers to downgrade the ‘blood of Jesus’ as
this word upsets vegans and vegetarians. I mean how is Ned going to get
these
people to read a Bible with blood in it? Isn’t it better to PREFER
a
bible with only a little bit of blood in it. “I know we have to have
some
‘blood’” said Ned “but I PREFER to water it down a smidge.”
Ned
PREFERS to eliminate the word “sodomites”
as this will upset churchgoers who have sons or relatives of ‘such
persuasion’. I mean the King James Bible is categorically forthright
about this
sort of thing. Ned PREFERS to use the words “perverted ones”
(1Kings
14:24;) and “ritual harlots” for “whores” (Deut 23:17). The King James
Bible
calls them sinners.
“…men
of Sodom were wicked and sinners
before the LORD exceedingly.” (King James Bible Gen 13:13)
“…
men of Sodom were exceedingly wicked and sinful
against the LORD.” (Ned Flanders Version Gen 13:13)
Dear
Reader can you see what Ned has done? Ned PREFERS
to call them sinful but not sinners!
Ned
PREFERS to removes the word “unknown”
from being associated with tongues (1Cor 14) as this
will
upset the Penty’s, Charos and the ‘spirit-filled’ who are firmly
convinced they
speak the real thing. Ned PREFERS to cloud the issue by PREFERRING
to leave out the word “unknown”.
Ned
PREFERS to substitute the word “Passover”
for “Easter” so as not to upset the Catholics and their pagan
festival
of Easter. Ned PREFERS the totally wrong word of “Passover”
Ned
PREFERS the softer word of ‘demons’ to
the harsher word of “devils” as he doesn’t want to scare little
children,
squeamish adults and New Agers.
Furthermore,
feminists and gender equality crowd get
riled up at Adam having a wife “… an help meet for him…”,
so Ned PREFERS
to use the phrase “…helper comparable to him…”
In
addition, Ned has re-written his bible PREFERRING
that Jesus is not God so as not to offend certain religions who
say that
Jesus was created not begotten. So Ned PREFERS to willfully destroy the most wonderful Bible promise
that “…God will provide himself…”
as the lamb, with the opposite “…God will provide for
himself the lamb”. (Gen 22:8).
If not enough, Ned PREFERS to deliberately
remove the words “Lord” 66 times, “God” 51 times, “repent”
44 times and “new testament” completely.
Ned further bootlicks his way into the graces of the
prosperity
crowd as God says to withdraw from those who suppose
that their financial gain
is a result of their godliness (1Tim 6:5). Ned
PREFERS to let these people
off the hook by PREFERRING to call these people the opposite
with godliness is a means of gain.
Ned PREFERS not to upset the pagans, the
witches and those that sacrifice children, by PREFERRING to
call God as “YAH”
(Is 12:2; 26:4) which is the name of a pagan fertility god. Ned also PREFERS
to call Jehovah by the name Yahweh, knowing it is the name of
an ancient
pagan rain god.
Ned PREFERS that all things were made
through Jesus and not by Jesus (John 1:3)
so
as not to downgrade the importance of angels in the eyes of the Jews
and deep
thinking gnostics.
Ned
PREFERS
to leave out the word ‘not’ in order to stop Christ returning to
earth
at his 2nd advent (Is 9:3). Ned PREFERS not to upset
the
Roman Catholics as they don’t want Christ to return either.
But
that’s Ned! What a great guy? He’d say “Read whatever bible you like,
but me
and Warren Wiersbe (WHO? google him up) PREFER
my version
– The Ned Flanders Version.
BUT
WE
SCRATCH OUR HEADS!
Why
did Ned waste
tens of thousands of hours rewriting his own bible?
He
simply
could have simply switched to THE NEW KING JAMES VERSION like Warren!
The
Ned
Flanders Version perfectly matches the words of The New King James
Version.
“Dear
Reader, do you know anyone who
PREFERS the
NKJV?”
Harley
Hitchcock
www.
AustralianBibleMinistries
.com
