“I’M OFF TO VALHALLA WHEN I DIE … I’M A VIKING!”

 I was down at DoNut King today and struck up a conversation with a very elderly man at the next table … I think his wife was off getting the coffee.
Me: “Have you had your donuts yet? You get two free ones with your coffee.”
Man grunted: “Narp!”
I thought to myself this is going to be hard. Help me Lord. So I just looked ahead minding my own business. A minute went by.
Man: “Can’t have ‘em! … sugar!”
Me: “Know what you mean. I have mine without sugar. I just let them know.”
Silence for another minute. I read my book.
Man: “Diabetes!”
Me: “Oh yeh! Sure!”
Man: “Had it for forty years. It’s wearing me out! Four needles a day.”
Me: “Wow! Can’t you get those patches and stuff these days … no needles?”
Man: “Nah! Too used to it.”  I thought … time to get into it.
Me: “Let me ask you a question … If you died tonight, where would you be … heaven or hell?” Everytime … it’s like people can’t believe their ears.
Man: “What?”  I repeated the question.
Man: “Valhalla.”
Me: “What?” (my turn)
Man: “Valhalla … I’m a Viking. I’m from Denmark.”
Me: “Oh!”. In preaching on the street, I’ve heard them all, but not this one. “What have you got to do to get into Valhalla?” I asked.
Man: “Die fighting with a sword in your hand” he semi-smiled.
Me: “Look mate” I said jokingly “I think you’re running out of time. You’d better get started.”
He smiled. I mean he must have been late 80’s … he looked like he was on his last legs.
Man: “Oh, I dunno” he said “Just something to say.” As he shrugged his shoulders. I think he was trying to put me off talking about ‘religion’.  
(In the last week, I’ve spoken to two pretend Buddhists … one who smoked (no peace) and the other with Parkinsons (have a guess)… brought up Church of Christ; and a body builder … Man! He was huge! (I was of two minds speaking to him, as I thought he could smash me with one punch. I’m sure he was on steroids). It turned out this man explained life after death with quantum mechanics … I don’t think he had the slightest clue … you know everything just disappears into the universe and you teleport to another planet and so on.)
Me (to the Viking): “Have you heard about Jesus Christ?”
Man: “Oh yeh! Church every Sunday and confirmation classes at 14 years old; Bible readings at school … all that! But I never ever took to it.” So I took a minute and explained the gospel.
Man: “Nah! Never interested. Never took to it.” That’s just how it goes sometimes … rewarded for labour … not results. I kicked myself. I didn’t have a tract that could leave with him.  Dear Reader … is it just me, or do you forget and leave your tracts at home as well?

Anyhow, yesterday, a young man, a very big young Tongan man, and two single girls sat down at the next table, in a restaurant, next to me and my wife. Our food came out and then another plate, we didn’t order. The waiter realized the mistake and put it on their table.

Dear Reader, you must always look for an opening. I said to them “I haven’t touched it! Besides you’re a big bloke” and put up my hands as if to say ‘Don’t hit me!’ The three of them laughed. As we left, I was able to go up to them … the ice had been broken … and leave a tract with them.

Harley Hitchcock 

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